Saving Me
by ThePendragonQueen
Summary: Leo had died and come back and it was hard. For the first time he had felt what it was like to burn. He had tasted the bitterness of death and felt it's cold clutches and it was hard to shake off, hard to forget. He had Calypso with him now but could he make it? Could he survive in fear of his own power? In fear of everything he ever used to love? Could he be saved?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey Guys! It's been a while, I know, so sorry I've been very busy with school but now that it's over hopefully I can find more time to write! I am back with another story about Leo (shocker). This is going to be a long one and it'll be pretty angsty so here are some warnings about talk about suicide and cutting and PTSD and attempted suicide and all of that. Exactly what it will have, I'm not sure, just be prepared and warned. Hope you guys enjoy this! Please review, follow, and fave!**

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I shot through the air on a metal dragon, fire surrounding us and burning bright. I could feel the heat, I could actually feel the heat. It was a new sensation but it worried me. If the fire was so hot that I could feel the heat does that mean it was hot enough to burn me? I didn't have time to contemplate that question. The face of Gaea was getting closer and closer. Just a couple more seconds and then we will collide and she will fall back into a long slumber and I- well, I will die.

Yes, I will die. I had been preparing for this moment for weeks. It was my time. I had gone and made the Physicians Curse as an attempt to come back but I had no idea if it would work. It was a chance and hopefully it will bring me back so I could save Calypso from her eternity on exile but it was just a hope. Nothing but a hope.

The air around me got hotter. Smoke filled my lungs. Between the long, white hot flames I could see Gaea's face staring at me in shock. She knew this was the end as well as I did.

Before I knew it I was crashing into her. My metal dragon ran straight into her face with a loud bang. We exploded into oblivion as soon as we touched. The fire grabbed us both, licking us with its flames, claiming my soul and resting hers back into the ground. It burned. Oh it burned so bad. I had never felt anything like this in my entire life. I could feel the heat going through my bones, straight to my core. I was burning up from the inside.

I screamed in agony and I think so did Gaea but I couldn't hear it. I could't hear anything but the ringing in my ears from the explosion. I screamed until my throat was sore and then I screamed some more. This was the most painful thing in my life. My vision was getting blurry, my head pounded. The fire burned so much. Something that I could control, that I was immune to, was killing me. This fire was too much, too strong, I couldn't control it. I wished the pain would stop. I wished the agony was over. I couldn't take it anymore. My body was shutting down, my brain was giving up. I screamed until my vision went black and I stopped breathing and couldn't scream anymore.

The blackness was cold. It was dark and cold. _This is how Nico must feel all the time_ , I couldn't help but think. I didn't like this at all. Dark and cold? That's the exact opposite of what I am. My fire was bright, bold, warm. But it had gotten too warm and it had sent me here, into the bitter darkness. I stared into it waiting for something to appear but nothing did. Instead I heard a voice. A quiet one that could just barely be heard.

" _Mijo?"_

My eyes turned wide. No, no it couldn't be. It just couldn't.

" _Mijo?"_ It asked again.

 _"Mamá?_ Is that you?" I asked into the dark, tears forming in my eyes.

" _Mijo! Dónde estas?"_ The voice rang around me.

" _Aquí, Mamá, aquí!"_ I yelled into the dark reaching out. Tears ran down my face.

"Leo..." the voice said again, lower this time.

" _Mamá! No!_ Where are you? Come back!" I whipped my head around frantically trying to find where the voice was coming from but I couldn't see anything but pitch black. "Where are you?" I yelled again more frantically. I was sobbing. _Mi Mamá_ was here and I couldn't find here. She was so close and I couldn't get to her. I couldn't lose her again. I needed her.

The voice spoke again, just barely above a whisper, "Leo..." The name faded away and was replaced by wind ripping through. The black suddenly turned into bright white and I screamed again as the burning came back. I gripped a cold metal- Festus. I couldn't see, I couldn't hear. All I could do was feel the wind whip around me and the cold metal beneath me as I fell through the air, the burning sensation slowly fading and being replaced by fear.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey Guys! How'd you like the last chapter? It was kind of short, I'm hoping the next ones will be a little longer. Tell me what you like, what you don't like, and what you would like to see happen in the story and I'll try my best to incorporate your ideas. Remember to comment so I can make the story better, Fave so you can access it easily, and follow so you can receive updates and read the new chapters as soon as the come out!**

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I crashed to the ground beneath me. Festus hit the beach with a jolt causing me to fall off and land on the sand next to him, face down. I slowly looked up, mouth full of sand and looked around blinking trying to focus. I could see a blurry figure making its way towards me, shouting something but I couldn't hear, my ears where still ringing from the explosion. The figure ran up to me and knelt down next to me looking at me frantically.

I couldn't think properly, my brain still felt sluggish and I couldn't get the sound of my mom out of my head. " _Mamá?"_ I asked squinting at the figure in front of me. Was I in the Underworld? Was I finally back with my mom? The figure put it's face closer to mine and gripped me tight as if trying to get me to focus. I tried to focus on what was in front of me but it was hard. My eyes hurt, I couldn't hear, my brain felt foggy and my body ached all over.

The figure shook me a couple times, saying something but I couldn't hear it. Finally my eyes focused enough for me to realize who was standing in front of me. "Calypso?" I asked. I couldn't believe it. i had done it. I had actually done it. I had come back to life and made it to Ogygia and found Calypso again. "Calypso," I said again but I couldn't hear myself, all I heard was ringing in my ears. Calypso grabbed me by the arms and tugged me up off the ground. I struggled upwards, my legs aching. Calypso finally had me on my feet but I had to lean on her heavily to stay upright. She said something to me but I couldn't hear. She started walking forward and I got the memo, she wanted to take me somewhere and I had to walk.

With my arm wrapped around Calypso's shoulder and most of her strength we finally managed to walk all the way to her cave where she laid me down on a bed. My head pounded. The last I saw was her grabbing medical supplies before promptly passing out.

When I awoke the pounding in my head had subsided and my body didn't hurt as much. My hearing, however, was not much better. I could here a ringing and some muffled noises but nothing was very clear. I sat up on the bed, a groan escaping my lips. From across the room Calypso turned and rushed over as she saw me sitting up. She ran over and knelt by me. She said something but I couldn't understand.

"Huh?" I asked her with a confused look. She said it again but I still couldn't hear. "I can't hear you," I said a little frantically. Not being able to hear was starting to freak me out.

She spoke again bur this time loud enough for me to barely hear. I had the feeling she was yelling. "Leo, how are you feeling?" she asked.

I stared at her trying to think of how I felt. "Better but I can't hear," I said. I had a feeling I was yelling too. Calypso nodded gravely. She signaled for me to hold on as she went over to a cabinet to grab something. I sat on the bed watching her as she walked back. She handed me a tiny flask of yellowish liquid. I stared at it quizzically and she signaled for me to drink it.

I downed it quickly. The liquid was smooth and warm and tasted strangely of my moms tacos. I waited for something to happen but nothing. Finally, I looked at Calypso again. "Nothing happened," I said starting to get a little frantic. I didn't like not being able to hear.

"Relax, it takes time," Calypso answered, her voice still barely audible to me.

My breathing started to get heavy. "Time? How much time? I don't like this, I want my hearing back. I don't like this at all. Please, Calypso, help, I can't hear." Panic started to overtake me as I talked. Tears started to swell in my eyes. I could barely even hear what I myself was saying, it was freaking me out.

Calypso put her hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes. She started to say something but I couldn't hear it. Her brown eyes were calming but I was still freaking out.

"I- I can't hear you. I don't know what you're saying. I don't like this, Calypso, help," I probably shouted although to me it was a mumble. Tears started to come out of my eyes as my breathing got heavier and faster. I gripped my hair in fear. Calypso reached for my face trying to pull it back up to look at her. The touch of her hand on my face sent me back to a time when my mom did the same thing to me and suddenly I was sobbing. I pushed her arm back and quickly stood up, tears running down my face. Calypso stood up and went to walk over to me but I backed away. I couldn't do this, I couldn't take this. I couldn't hear and I just wanted my mom back. This was all too much.

In a moment of fear I turned and ran out the cave, Calypso reaching out to me. I frantically ran across the island. I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing, I was just freaking out so much. I needed space, a place to breathe. I kept running through the gardens all around me, tears still making their way down my face. I finally stopped when I reached a fountain. I looked into the water and stared at my reflection. I was dirty, my face was covered in soot and grease. My hair was an absolute mess and I was covered in cuts and bruises everywhere. I grabbed water and splashed it on my face in an attempt to calm down and wash my face a little but it didn't do much for either things. The dirt just smudged around on my face and I was still extremely freaked out.

I screamed as loud as I could to see if I could hear myself but all I heard was about as loud as a mumble. I did everything I could think of that made noise. I screamed, I splashed the water in the fountain, I kicked buckets, I threw things to the ground, nothing worked. I could still barely hear a thing. I finally gave up and sat down against the fountain and pulled my legs up to my chest. I heaved as tears continued to make their way down my face. I rested my forehead on my knees and gripped my ears with my hands in frustration and screamed until I finally grew so tired from screaming that I drifted off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi guys! I've already gotten some likes and follows but please comment too! Comments are important so that I know if there's anything I need to change or fix or anything. Help is important. I hope you guys really like this and continue to like it!**

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When I woke up I found Calypso sitting next to me. When she noticed that I had woken up she shifted her body so that she was facing me. She stared at me intently, her long, brown hair falling down her shoulder and large, dark brown eyes sparkled with sympathy. She leaned over to me and put her hand softly on my shoulder.

"Hey, Leo. Can you hear a little better now?" She asked me. I could tell she was still trying to project her voice louder than normal.

I nodded. Her voice was still low and there was still a dull ringing in my ears but it was a little better. "Yeah, a little."

She smiled happily. "That's good. How are you feeling?"

I nodded again. "A little better."

Calypso smiled sweetly. She slowly leaned over and gave me a tight hug. "I'm glad you're back," she said, her voice cracking a little.

I hugged her back tightly. "Yeah, me too."

After a couple minutes she finally pulled back and looked at me again. "What do you say we go back to the cave?" she asked. I nodded and she reached her hand out to me. I took it and we walked back hand in hand.

Once we got back she sat me back down on the bed and went over to grab another vile of that yellowish liquid from before. She handed it to me and I swallowed it quickly. She put the vile away and walked back over. She sat down on the bed next to me and grabbed my hand.

"So what happened? After you left Ogygia and everything. Did everything turn out okay? I'm assuming you guys defeated Gaea, right? Is everyone okay? And how did you manage to find Ogygia again?" She asked curiously. I took a deep breathe and explained it all to her- where I found myself after I left, how we sailed on, how we managed to get Annabeth and Percy out from Tartarus, how we sailed back and arrived in the middle of a war between the Romans and Greeks at Camp Half-Blood Hill, how Gaea woke uo and how we put her back to sleep. I vaguely went over the explosion. I left out all the pain and the voice of my mom. Calypso could tell I was leaving things out but she didn't push it. I told her how I landed here, a mess and deaf.

Calypso smiled and squeezed my hand. "I'm glad you're back, I really am. I can't believe I finally get to leave this terrible holding cell," she smiled at me brightly, her eyes shining. "I'm just so glad you're here."

I smiled back but my smile wasn't as bright as usual. "Me too, Calypso."

Calypso scooted closer to me, closing the gap between our faces. She slowly leaned in, giving me time to pull back if I wanted to but I didn't want to. I really liked Calypso and I wanted to be with her and love her but a part of me was afraid that I wouldn't ever be able to love her properly. A part of me was afraid that I'll be too broken myself to be able to give her what she deserved. Despite my doubts I didn't pull away. Her soft lips touched mine and I was thrown back to the first time this happened, when I was leaving. My head buzzed with delight. For a little bit the world seems to disappear and my problems float away. Then she pulled back and they all came crashing down on me and suddenly I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders again.

Calypso looked at me with a wide smile. I tried to smile back just as wide but I couldn't seem to do it. I couldn't understand why. All my life I had been able to smile my way through all the pain and trouble. My grin was always mischievous and cunning. I was always joking and there was always some kind of sparkle in my eyes, even if it was small. Now it seemed as though all the light in my eyes were gone and my grin couldn't even be forced anymore. It was like I had finally broken to the point of no return. It worried me.

If Calypso noticed she didn't seem too worried about it. "So, how about we pack, fix up Festus a little and tomorrow we can head out and back into the real world?" She asked with a smirk. I nodded and we got up to do exactly that. Calypso packed up her things while I checked on Festus who, surprisingly, didn't need that much fixed. He seemed okay enough to make it back to New York without any major problems. I was glad he didn't need any major renovations. I wasn't sure I was in the right mind to do it.

When the sun was starting to set we sat down and ate some vegetable soup Calypso had made. As we sat around the table Calypso talked happily. "I can't believe this is my last night here. I finally get to leave Ogygia. Oh, it's been so long, I can't wait to see what the world looks like now. I wonder has much has changed since the last time I saw it."

"A lot," I remarked. Calypso stuck her tongue out at me playfully and I tried for a smile back but it didn't work. Calypso looked at me concerned but I turned back down to my soup and stirred it around. I hadn't really eaten much. I had mostly just sat there and played with my food. I wasn't very hungry, I couldn't find the motivation to eat.

Calypso stood up and grabbed our bowls and put them back in her sink area. She frowned at all the soup still in my bowl but didn't saw anything. I changed into a pair of pajamas that Calypso had made for me the last time I was here and she changed into hers. I was wondering what the sleeping arrangements were going to be when Calypso said that the only place to really sleep was the bed. She offered to make a nest of blankets on the floor for either me or her if I felt uncomfortable with sleeping in the same bed as her. I shook my head. I was fine with sleeping in the same bed as her, in fact I kind of wanted to. Not because I wanted to do anything else with her but because I was afraid. I was afraid of the dark. I was afraid that if I went to sleep that I might never wake back up. I was afraid that I would stay in that dark forever. I was afraid that I would have another panic attack in the middle of the night with no one around to help. I was afraid that I would hear my moms voice again and never want to come back and join the rest of the world ever again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Yoooooo whats up guys. Thanks to the couple of people who have commented, I'm glad you like it! Support always feels nice :) I'm honestly not sure how long this story is going to be or how many chapters but I have a feeling it will at least be 10 chapters? Maybe? I honestly have no idea but so far I've enjoyed writing it. Last chapter got a little depressing and this chapters going to be a little angsty too sorry. Actually, most of the chapters from now on are going to start being really depressing and angsty I apologize. Hope you like it!**

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The nightmares were so terrible they woke me up after two hours of sleep.

I dreamed I was back on that explosion, the booming blasting my ear drums, the fire spreading across my skin like I was doused in gasoline. The pain was back and just as bad as it was in when it happened the first time. Then it all turned black again and I was once facing the dark shadows hearing my mom calling out to me.

" _Mamá!"_ I cried out in terror rushing around in the blackness looking for her. Tears were falling down my cheeks and I was screaming out for my mom. I looked around frantically before being ripped back into the bright light, my skin still burning. I woke up screaming, tears running down my face. I was sweating as if I had just ran three miles. The bed was soaked where I sept from my sweat and tears.

"Leo, Leo," I heard next to me. I looked over to see Calypso awake and staring at me with concern. "Are you okay?" she asked sitting up next to me. "I heard you screaming and I kept trying to wake you up and you started calling out for your mom. You started crying and screaming again as if you were in pain."

I swallowed hard. I was shaking despite the fact that I had just sweated out enough water for a week. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, just a nightmare," I assured her.

Calypso eyed me. She knew there was more to the story. It wasn't just a normal old nightmare. "Leo, what happened during that explosion?" she asked me grabbing my hand in a comforting way.

I looked down and sighed. I knew she wasn't going to let this go and I should probably tell her anyways so that she could help me out. I knew I couldn't deal with all this by myself. It would break me faster- if there was more to break. "As you know, I died. From- from fire. The fire burned me up. The one thing I'm immune to, the one thing I can kind of control, it killed me. It- it was too much. I couldn't control it. I guess it was too hot, I don't know, but it burned and it hurt like hell. I- it was the most painful thing I have ever been through and I've been through some pretty painful things." I stopped and looked at Calypso. Her eyes were wide and full of understanding. She urged me to go on. I took another breath and continued. "The sound of the explosion, it was so loud, all I could hear was ringing. And then all of a sudden it went pitch black. I- I didn't know where I was. And then... and then I heard my mom. S-she called out to me. I couldn't find her anywhere a-and I just wanted to find her and be with her again. I-it's my fault she's dead in the first place. I was trying to find her b- but I- I couldn't. And then it was bright again and I couldn't see and I couldn't hear, and the burning was back and I- I-" I couldn't finish. My voice stopped, lodged in my throat. All that came out was a desperate sob. I started crying, trying to wipe my tears away.

Calypso reached over and took my hands away from my face. She stared at me with her almond shaped eyes and I could feel them looking past my eyes, reading the inside of me. "Come here," She said as she slowly wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into her.

I leaned my head on my shoulder and broke down again. I felt bad for crying on her. "I- I'm sorry, Calypso. _Los siento, los siento,"_ I mumbled over and over again.

"Shh, shh, I know, I know, it's okay," she said running her hand through my hair in a calming way. She sat there holding me and waited until I was done crying. I took a couple deep breathes and then looked up. "Are you okay?" She asked. I nodded. I technically wasn't okay. I was still traumatized and broken but I knew that's not what she meant. She just wanted to know if I was done crying. "Okay, c'mon, let's get you washed and changed into a dry pair of pajamas," she said helping me up from the bed.

She walked over to the shower area and put a clean pair of clothes on a stool next to it. "Here, you go," she said with a smile. "While you take a shower I'm going to go change the sheets, okay?"

I nodded. "Thank you," I told her gratefully. Calypso smiled and gave me a quick peck on the cheek before walking away. I stripped off my wet clothes and stepped into the shower shivering. I turned the water on hot in an attempt to stop shaking. I stood under the shower head and stared at the wall in front of me. I lost track of time and how long I had been there. The events of yesterday running through my head the entire time. I finally managed to stop shaking and stepped out of the shower. I dried off and put my new pajamas on before stepping back out into the bedroom area. I looked over to find Calypso sitting on the bed sipping a drink.

"Hey," she smiled at me. "I made tea, want some?"

I nodded and she walked over to the kitchen area and poured some tea into a mug before handing it to me. "Thanks," I said with a weak smile.

She nodded and sat back down on the bed. "C'mon," she said patting the spot next to her. I walked over and sat down next to her. "Feeling a little better?" she asked me. I gave a slight nod, staring at my tea. We sat in silence for a little while Calypso sipped her tea and I stared at mine, the steam warming my hands. After a couple minutes Calypso turned to me. "Leo?" she said trying to get my attention. I ripped my eyes from my drink and turned to look at her. "Look, I just wanted to tell you... I know you're not okay. I know you have a lot of pain and I know that explosion left you broken but... just know that I'm here for you."

I looked at her eyes. She was telling the truth. She genuinely meant it. She wasn't just saying it to say it, she genuinely wanted to help me. I stared at her in shock. For so long I had had people telling me they were here for me. Parents who would adopt me, telling the people in charge of the foster homes that they would take good care of me only to turn back around and hurt me or neglect me. Kids at school would smile at me in the hallways, joke with me in class, then turn around and talk bad about me behind my back, leave me by myself when a bully came and knocked me down. Even Piper and Jason did it. Not necessarily on purpose but they did. They promised to be my friend forever and always be there for me but then they fell in love with each other and, well, who wants a tiny friend who tells bad jokes when you could have someone you love? Needless to say, they soon forgot about me and their promise to stick around. But Calypso... Calypso meant it. For the first time in a long time I had someone who truly wanted to help me and stay with me no matter what happened. I hadn't had someone like that since... well, since _mi_ _mamá._

Calypso smiled at me and squeezed my hand. I hadn't even noticed that she had grabbed it in the first place. My eyes got misty and I blinked back some tears. "Th- thank you," I mumbled, my voice cracking.

Calypso smiled and gave me another quick peck on the cheek. "No need for a 'thank you'. I would do it even if you didn't want me to," she smiled. I gave a slight nod and squeezed her hand back. It felt nice to finally have someone who wanted to be with me and help me. I've been alone for so long. To have someone with me, well, it felt really nice. Calypso grabbed my cup of tea that had grown cold and took it from my hand. I had never taken a sip of it and she knew I wasn't going to but she didn't seem bothered by it. She poured my full mug into the sink and stuck her empty one into the sink. "C'mon let's go back to sleep," she said.

"What time is it?" I asked her curiously.

She shrugged. "I don't know, time runs weird here, but it's still pitch black outside. I don't think you slept for very long. Two, three hours at most," she said pulling the covers back and getting into the new, dry sheets.

I lowered my head in shame. "Sorry," I mumbled. I felt bad for waking her up with me.

"It's fine," she said laying down. I climbed into the bed next to her. She pulled the covers up to her neck and rolled onto her side so that she was facing me. She put an arm around me- a way for me to know that she was there with me and I wasn't by myself in the dark. "Good night, Leo," she said leaning her head on my shoulder and closing her eyes.

"Good night," I mumbled but I had no intentions of going back to sleep. I was afraid I might have the same dream and wake up crying and shaking again. I figured it would be better for me to just lay here quietly without disturbing Calypso so that she could sleep without worrying about me. I stared up at the ceiling of the cave for the rest of the night thinking about my life and how I managed to get to this point. Wondering where things went so terribly wrong and if I could have fixed them before it got worse. I was afraid of the shadows that danced along the walls but I was even more afraid of the darkness that would come when I closed my eyes.


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